The Social Issues Tattler

Saturday, October 22, 2005
Be not astonished at new ideas; for it is well known to you that a thing does not therefore cease to be true because it is not accepted by many.

Truth and lies, the most overused and abused words in Social Issues. For those of you unable to differentiate between the two, may we suggest a Dick and Jane book or you might want to carry on coloring outside of the lines.

Starlyin and MothersBrule attempted to settle their differences last evening in Starlyin's room, as Tornado and the Lippy Lakota had tried the night before, but Mothers said she had no sound, and no mic, which can only be interpreted as " no brains, no excuse" to the knowledgeable. Mothers popped in and out of Starlyin's room like a rat in a cheese factory, but this encounter will be much like two elephants screwing; a lot of grunting and groaning, but no visible results for two years. The entire exercise could only be called "Dances with the Truth" , with Mothers playing the role of "Kick My Ass" and Starlyin as, "Dances with Wackos", Dan is "Stands with Dead Cat in Fist", and Boaz as "Wind up his Ass"


Dances with Wackos: With Kick My Ass , it was always more than a while on the mic. There was purpose in everything she did, and I knew she wanted me to be her friend. But I was sure of myself. I would be an excuse, and that's all that Social Issues would need to find this place. I pushed her as far as I could to move along. But in the end, she only smiled and talked of simple pleasures. She reminded me that at her age, a good shagging by Dan was better than anything. Kick My Ass was an extraordinary dumb woman.

Kick My Ass: The white men who made Pal Talk came around the time of my grandfather's grandfather. Eventually we drove them out. Then the Mexicans came. But they do not come here any more. In my own time, the Texans. They have been like all the others. They take without asking. But I think you are right. I think they will keep coming. When I think of that, I look at this keyboard. I don't know if we Lakota are ready for these people. This chat program is all that we have, and we will fight to keep it. Yes we will, keep it, yes, keep it we will keep it, yes, keep it , yes (Slap to head by Stands with Dead Cat in Fist) Thank you Stands, I needed that.

Wind up his Ass: I've just pissed in my pants... and nobody can do anything about it.

Stands with Dead Cat in Fist: (steps away from Wind ) Wind is thanking Dances with Wackos for the feathers in his hat.

Kick my Ass: Only a white man would make that mess for everyone to see. We Lakota make porn movies for our daughters to star in. Stupid wasichu. May a tatonka spit in your eye. Spit in your eye, spit in your, spit of eye, so eyes can spit.

Stands With Dead Cat in Fist: Dances with Wackos, you must listen to the wise words of Kick my Ass, she has many lies to tell, and the ones she doesn't tell I will make up.

Wind up his Ass: I've just pissed in my pants... and nobody can do anything about it.

Dances with Wackos: The strangeness of this life cannot be measured: in you trying to produce my death, I was elevated to the status of a living hero by tossing your ass out of the room. Go, Kick My Ass, to the land of your forefathers, annoy them until they take an arrow in the eye to stop the pain of your tongue wagging, and leave the white people to suffer in the memory of money long not sent. Take Stands with Dead Cat also. Leave our land, and my people.

Wind up his Ass: I've just pissed in my pants... and nobody can do anything about it.

(music rises) Kick and Stand walk hand in hand into what they think is the sunset, but in reality, it is an on coming train. Toot toot, and then there was peanut butter.


Addydawn, we give you a shovel, and you just keep on digging in the shallow end of your gene pool. The Tattler did not berate you for your advanced and bountiful education, but rather for your constant need to jam every single solitary moment of it up everyone's ass until they puke multiple degrees of degrees. If you can't understand the subtle difference between those two statements, your next patient will suffer an esophageal sigmoidoscopy with a twist of lime at your bewildered bed side mannerisms.

The Old Buckeroo, is at it again. This mental midget told crabfisherman and E Pluribus today they were not being "nice" (oh that dreaded nice word), to people in a room he was taking up space in, and then went on to attempt to rip holes in their hides the size of buckets. Buck told the two men, what they should say, think and read, but all in a very "nice" way of course. Crabfisherman took the opportunity to display, yet again, his uncanny ability to hit every nail on the head when it is most needed, by pointing out what a true blue hypocrite Buck really is. There is hope that Buck will change his name to sycophant for the coming festive season.

Goddess you didn't get "stature" for being written about in The Tattler, you just got drunk and shot your mouth off. You make our work so damn easy every time you do that. Keep up the good work.

KL and Wee Alice were hysterical today. Village Idiot was posting a fake whisper in text ***** whisper , blah blah**** and since it was of the lascivious nature, KL assumed she was the only one seeing it. She admonished Village Idiot for his sexually transmitted diatribe without knowing all could see the Emperor had no clothes. Wee Alice split a gut laughing, trying to explain the entire cluster of comedy to KL. Truly a Social Issues moment for the year book.

Kevin 421 has just been notified by the Canadian government to stop talking about Canada. It seems tourism has fallen off by a whopping 98 %, and 31 of the 32 million Canadians no residing in the land of syrup and beavers have applied for visas to move as far away from Kevin as is humanly possible. The beavers have also made a pack to drown themselves in maple syrup should Kevin not conform to the requests of the government. Kevin, a message from Paul Martin himself, " Shut the fook up, yer killin us lad."

E Pluribus and Jim (something or other) did their best penis measuring pageantry today because Jim feels (love men with feelings), E Pluribus is talking down to him and his friends, and they don't need that uppity talk. "Why shucks darn (sniff, hick, fart) we's just a bunch of good ole gals and guys pickin and grinnin and 'joyin our damn selves. Thens in you walk Mr Booksmarty Pants with you big words like " veggitables, moreroast, and coralumdrum" and thinks we donts knows the meanings. Well E buddy, wes gots your number and and if in you wants to sits at our table you best brings your own velveeta" (smaking of lips is heard). E Pluribus sat silently, probably shaking his head in dismay, or this May, it was all so confusing at this point, much like a toad trying to converse with Einstein. Jim, psssssssssst, when you said Pluribus was too smart for your room, you insulted yourself you turnip. Wee Alice piped her two cents into the conversation (shocker), and said she used to be highbrow, but now she talks to everyone on their level. Was the high brow on a Neanderthal Wee Alice?

Shellycan said Pluribus and Jim were like the difference between a shotgun and a rifle. A shotgun splatters the shot with buckshot going all over the place, a rifle is a direct, clean, no nonsense shot. Perfect analogy Shelly, we wish we would have been able to take credit for that one.

Now, to tie up a few loose ends.

Ravenn, sorry, we can't run a room like you for two days straight, thanks for the offer though. Also, Ravenn goes to bed at 7pm, and can never be seen roaming the halls of Social Issues after that hour.

Rykielle, it was a joke dear. We have nothing against you.

Menopausal and Armed, you've been mentioned, please move along now, (we tried to be nice Iliad, really we did).

Diane46_2005: I demand that the tattler type - " Diane =not worth mentioning" or something---consider it done Diane.

For now, Isabellah is getting off the field in Social Issues. But when the din subsides, and the amateurs depart, look for her to ride back in, mallet cocked, ready to play again.

toodleloo: I am not on enough to be the tattler--- sure you are.

shellycan: no crab id never stoop low enough to pick on someone's physical problems that takes a coward and im sure not that--- Can you remind us again, what was it you said about Starlyin?

Chat Attack: i should have asked him if he was a dwarf--- He sure looked it to us, and that band was a bit too tight, as you said.

No Soup For You: some go to med school and say to themselves, "Self, I want to know all there is to know about ass."---Or you could just spend time in Social Issues.

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Idiot of the day ---- MothersBruleSioux (Oh, how quickly they fall)

Admin of the day --- Starlyin

Nice Person of the day --- Starlyin, (For allowing Mothers to clear her name, even though Mothers can't)

Quote of the day ----Addydawn99: cat follows me everywhere ( cats love tuna )

Mailbag:

Well of COURSE we like you, silly, as Wayne said in that blunt, child-like way of his. Such kudos from Waynee are the ultimate prize- he is the epitome of sincerity.

But there's more.

Somehow, Tattler, you have achieved -and apparently without trying- that social issues status that (quite dysfunctionally) is lauded, envied, and chased by many of my social issue paltalk brethren: being feared.

You see, there we were, happily indulging our internet road rage and fulfilling our virtual images of ourselves, tripping over our own tongues and each other as we spewed the repetitious dogma and bumper sticker philosophies that we thought made us sound so damn clever, when YOU came along.

Well, hell! We never imagined that anyone was watching! It's like having a cafeteria food fight free-for-all interrupted by the school principal. Or more aptly, it's like being told there's a hidden camera in every room... always watching, always listening.

Suddenly we realize how stupid we all look. Well, some of us do, anyway.

So... that camera. We resent it, we love it, we fear it, we ham it up for it, and we will not stop trying to figure out where it's plugged in!

~~~Swanny

The Tattler: And all this time we thought we were just splitting the atom, curing cancer, and removing anal warts from toads.