The Social Issues Tattler

Sunday, October 23, 2005
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Tonight's Tattler is for our selected audience who hate The Tattler with a passion so pungent that a skunk would run in the opposite direction from you. People, there is a simple solution to your problem with The Tattler; do not read it. Rather than choose the intelligent approach such as avoidance of that which annoys you, you have chosen to read, ridicule, misquote and malign something you neither understand, nor can appreciate. By doing this, your mission is to control the words and thoughts of others, while having them believe your painfully pathetic pandering to lies and half-truths, as you suck sympathy from the saps you sucker in with your endless stories of victimization. You are as bitter as a cold wind on naked cheeks in Alaska. Your names could be listed here, but you know who you are. You are the most two-faced disingenuous, whining, cunning, deceitful, dishonest, duplicitous, insidious, left-handed, oblique, underhanded, bunch of back stabbing bombastic bastards ever to see their reflection in a mirror without a crucifix and a scream.

If you need more evidence of this, drop by "Half Past The Monkeys Ass" to watch these sanctimonious, holier-than-thou, people who have the audacity to castigate The Tattler for words they say.

To hell names won't be mentioned.

Starlyin, you whine about your name in the Tattler, while at the same time you say the ugliest things about anyone who does not tap dance to your twisted terms of endearment. If hell had an ice cube for every time you mentioned "Greeneyes" it would be an iceberg. If you don't like things said about you, why don't you start the ball rolling by claming up about others. How's that for a new and improved Starlyin.

Greeneyes, you are no better than the shit on a baboon's ass. You stir the pot constantly because, for you, negative attention is better than no attention at all, and if you weren't such a humungus bitch, you'd be milk toast. Leave Starlyin alone, move on, get over it, and grow up. You are disgusting, and your vocabulary, although limited is certainly vulgar.

Goddess, you have more venom than a rattle snake, and when your tail isn't shaking out warning of an impeding strike, it's wiggling at every man with a breath in his body. You cause trouble, and it's sad, because away from the booze and false bravado you are an intelligent woman with more to offer than you're bringing to the table.

Boaz, you are just a disgusting excuse for anything close to human. The word nigger slides off your lips with a comfort that is chilling to the listener. You belittle and abuse women, while asking intrusive and embarrassing questions that would make Howard Stern blush. How anyone can tolerate you for more than a millisecond, must only be attributed to the amount of thorazine they are on.

Isabellah, you created your own problems by playing all sides against the middle. You are reaping the rewards of your work. If you ever get the pole out of your ass from fence sitting, you might grow a spine and be your own woman. Rick is not an adjective, stop using it as one.

Lord Voo, another one who's brain is being used for everything but decent conversation. This man flew into social issues with a train wreck on his mind, he's never veered from that goal. He changed the face of the rooms from something nearly tolerable, to rooms filled with vile, appalling, loathsome, miserable, nasty, nauseating, nefarious, perverted, repugnant, ugly, worthless, words, and the people who thrive off watching the fox be ripped to shreds at the end of the hunt.

Sensibly Forward, the most dishonest, bitchy, controlling, pompous, puke ever to spit out consecutive lies in the halls of Social Issues. This woman actually had the temerity to lecture scarlet begonias on motherhood, while she herself has her ass glued to a computer chair 23 hours a day.

Karl, although you couldn't lead a pissing contest in a brewery, you deserve mention for being so boringly bombastic that the dead weep at the sound of your voice. You are the most complete coward ever to wear the famous "hat" of Social Issues. Come out from the safety of your rat hole, and take the thrashing you so richly deserve. Baring that, shut up and give the world a break from your constant and annoying drivel.

Conservative Atheist, when you aren't giving out carts and happy face stickers at Wal Mart, why don't you read a book about sons, mothers, and oedipus. You're a vile little man, who takes expresses your anger about physical short comings and dating your left hand. You're on a runaway train to no where.

There are second bananas to the leaders of the shit parade, but they are without the qualities to reek havoc upon so many, with so little, for so long, as the mentioned masters of discontentment. Conservative Atheist, Buck, Jim (whatever your number is), Wee Alice, SpudSpud, Karen Dances, Polecat, Imilac, Noooogie, USMC_48, MeMother, High Falutin, Alfie, MothersBrule and Dan, all Ed McMahons.

The rumor mongers who talk about "courage" and " truth" and "lies", decry the people who enjoy a laugh in the daily battle called life. The bunch of you wouldn't know humor if it crawled up and bit you squarely on the ass. So keep trying to have The Tattler shut down, because as we all know, the words on this page are much worse than the disgusting pictures, and words on other pages. You are all so dumb, you are attacking the hen, while the foxes are stealing the hen house. Daily you ramble on about suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for being born with a breast on your forehead while working in a travelling freak show for pennies. How stupid are you? Sure you will get laid by every Playboy model. What a bunch of bullshit. So this message is a big BITE US to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send stupid emails. Maybe you evil letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not responding to you.

There are some decent, good and entertaining people in Social Issues, and for the readers of this "rag" , as it's become to be known, you know who most of them are. The short list is: Crabfisherman, (intelligent, witty, and can laugh at himself). E Pluribus,( a true gentleman). PossilFossil, (ditto). Suzanne, (a sweet as butterflies on a babies nose). Chat Attack (brilliant wit), Andrea (look up nice, you'll see her picture), sincere, Iliad (funnier than is legal), Kaboom, (kind and good) Luan, (ditto), Molly, (a true friend), and others, Frisson, Swan, Godot, Grunto, Halie, GoodHeartedWoman, Wendy, Ravenn, KL, Zippergate, Tornado, Snow Ogre, Immotalkeane, Goast, AnthonyK, CyndyUK, Stefhaj, and Wayne, (good, kind and what all friends should be). Addydawn, (intelligent, and can take anything, anyone tosses at her) God (only one God in Social Issues, and this one is top drawer, as funny as they come), Athena (tough, intelligent, and gutsy). Kevin British, Drewfoo, Rykielle (lovely woman), Kim Deer, Native Daughter (speak to her on native issues, good woman, kind heart), Hobsnob, Rotten Ronnie, Tanasul, Bob Arnold, Sally OMally, CharlesNewYork, and others.

And now for the identity of the Tattler, something you have been holding the front of your pants in anticipation of (ended that one with a preposition, for you Diana and Swanny). You've spent endless hours and played countless games attempting to be victorious in sniffing out the writer, so the game is finally over. It's time to reveal who the Tattler really is.

The Tattler was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to Social Issues by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower. It is typed out by three shagless monks in Tibet, then given to a leper in Botswana with no teeth who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years for good luck. He is being paid five cents to run barefooted across the Atlantic to deliver the writing to three excommunicated nuns from Latvia licking stamps for food on the streets of New York. The nuns hand it to the crippled pigeon, who flops his way to our shithouse office in the bowels of the city. From there it is sent to you with love.

Idiot of the day --- You know who you are

Admin of the day --- Anyone not listed above

Nice person of the day ---- Suzanne

Quote of the day ---- Hey Richie: well for two days in a row i have had swordfish... i don't think any other meat is better (fish is not meat you knucklehead )

Mailbag:

Dear Twatler it is a well known fact that Ancient Man was far smarter than today's, that in Cave's used by Cave Men after the flood Noah Flood that is, they found painting and tools equal to today's , so if you really know any thing about Neanderthal then you would have found an other way to get back at my stupid remark as you so put it .
They have also found musical instruments in this same era. So please go research Ancient Man .

your sincerely Wee Alice

The Tattler: Alice , Alice, you wee poor thing. A flute playing, knuckle dragging, mouth breather, painting dinosaur pictures on Noah's Ark, is not proof you aren't dumber than dog turds on the tundra, but this email sure is. Our midgets are slamming their little heads against the wall trying to understand what you wrote.


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